Jaded Raver

You might be a JADED raver if...

• You snicker when you hear someone say "PLUR".
• You finally realized that phat pants are heavy and unpractical.
• You refrain from dancing unless the circle is of rather large dimensions.
• When you do dance, you "battle".
• You learn to spin, and therefore have graduated to the "superior rave status".
• You find out just how crooked promoters really are.
• You hate massives.
• You blame candy kids for everything retarded in the scene.
• You say "the scene" a lot.
• You find out how much better european electronic music really is.
• You find out that glow sticks were cool TEN years ago in the UK.
• You have pretended to be rolling at a party just to get a quick laugh out of your friends.
• When you ARE on E, you do your best to act normal.
• You realize how cool Drum n' Bass is.
• You realize how lame progressive trance is.
• You find out that American DJ's are completely overrated.
• You have close friends who don't give a fuck about raving.
• You think that maybe YOU don't really give a fuck either.
• The smell of Vicks makes you physically sick.
• You can't help but laugh when someone tries to give you a "glow stick show".
• You learn to break.
• If you want to actually "roll," you have to eat about four pills at once.
• You can get those four pills for the same price that everyone else pays for one.
• You drink beer at after parties.
• You quit collecting fliers.
• You have unsubscribed from your rave mailing list, because "none of those fucking little kids understand a thing about raving, dammit!"
• You can't remember the last time you went to a party and didn't think it sucked.
• You can't remember much in general.
• You realize that ravers aren't nearly as genuine as the hippies were.
• You wouldn't mind if that kid with the whistle accidentally swallowed it and died.
• You are actually called by your real name.
• You realize that the general public shouldn't be blamed for hating raves.
• You think ECKO is the sickest gear money can buy.
• You talk shit as much as possible.
• You value things in terms of vinyl, (ex: "that's an eight record pair of pants.")
• You DESPISE Happy Hardcore.
• You DESPISE candy.
• You have seen a thirteen year old "raver" on ecstasy and felt like leaving the party because of it.
• You know what a 303 is.
• You no longer feel the need to advertise your "rave-ness" to the world.
• You realize shell toes are shitty shoes.
• You can't count how many pairs you have owned.
• You know that post-rave sex is awful.
• You've punked kids who tried to get in a circle that was outta their league.
• You can determine where a raver is from just by the way they dance.
• You know that LA ravers can't dance worth a shit.
• You find out that underground parties still happen quite frequently, despite what 98% of the raving populous thinks.
• You party sober and now understand how stupid you looked when you didn't.
• You know who PRODUCED your favorite tracks, not just which DJ bought it and put it on a mix CD.
• You read URB.
• You have day-dreams that involve the Telletubies and a large rusty chainsaw.
• Your parents gave up on you becoming normal a long, long time ago.
• You know why GHB and special K are for fucking idiots.
• You understand electro and minimal techno now.
• You hate rave ho's.
• You could out-dance any boy band, any day, while smoking a cigarette.
• You begin to notice how often big DJ's blow mixes.
• You think sweaty guys who run around the party shirtless should get thrown out.
• You act like a punk-ass bitch to security, police, and any other authority.
• You purposely wear way too much clothing to parties, because you know that dancing in a turtleneck sweater looks fucking ill.
• You say "ill" a lot.
• You have replaced Caffiene, JNCO, and Adidas with Technic, Vestax, and JBL.
• You know that raving is all about the music, but RAVERS are not.
• You find the jungle room much more appealing now.
• You can actually dance to jungle.
• You hate Feelgood and Coolworld.
• You laugh out loud when you walk into Jamba Juice and they're playing dance music.
• You see guys from your high school football team at a party.
• You know raving is mainstream as fuck.
• The bigger the flier, the less you want to go to the party.
• You can re-tell the story of how raving came to America quite accurately.
• You hate Anthem tracks.
• Your sleeping, and eating habits are completely fucked up.
• You're not racist, but you just have to wonder where the hell all those Asian kids are coming from.
• You sit around with friends and tell old "rave disaster" stories.
• You are amazed that you are somehow still alive.